Suppression of emotions. How to suppress the feeling of falling in love? How to get rid of falling in love: advice from a psychologist

How excruciatingly painful it sometimes is for those who fall in love with someone else. It doesn’t matter whether he is married or too aggressive, unpredictable, or has become boring and uninteresting with him. Regardless of the reason, a feeling that just yesterday brought joy can turn into something that interferes with life. And only you yourself can help yourself in this situation, believing that you have the power to free yourself from suffering and pain and deciding to achieve this, in spite of everything and everyone.

How to get rid of feelings and emotions

Sometimes life brings unpleasant surprises. Just yesterday this person caused a storm of emotions, but today there is only one desire, to get rid of any feelings for him as quickly as possible. Because they interfere with rational thinking and living, they poison existence, create problems and clearly do not leave a chance for a happy personal life. After all, when an interesting representative of the opposite sex appears on the horizon, memories immediately emerge of how things were once good with the ex and how they became bad, or how much better he is than the rest.

And here either fears arise that the same thing will happen with this man, or the chances of creating a new relationship disappear due to the fact that the woman is not ready to date someone who, in her opinion, does not live up to her ex. This confusion of feelings in the soul makes you relive again and again everything that happened and is happening, leaving no chance to restore harmony in the soul and understand what really needs to be done in order to free yourself and build a happy personal life.

At such a difficult moment, it is necessary to direct your strength to get rid of these feelings in spite of all the difficulties that arise along the way. And the first step should be to realize and accept that they bring nothing but problems and suffering. By allowing them to command and drown out your mind, it is as if you are giving the right to control yourself to someone who failed to reciprocate or did not live up to your hopes.

And you don’t need to be afraid that you won’t be able to free yourself, otherwise you run the risk of really believing it. To avoid being stuck in this state for a long time, do not focus too much on getting rid of emotions. Pay attention to this problem when it’s completely unbearable, and you feel that something needs to be done to at least reduce the severity and intensity of emotions until you are able to completely cope with them.

When they don’t interfere much yet, but only bother you a little, allow yourself to go about your normal activities without delving into your worries. The longer you are immersed in various activities, work, communication with friends, the easier it is to cope with feelings. Over time, they will lose their edge, and step by step you will be able to free yourself from them, accepting the fact that it is solely in your hands.

Remember, focusing on suffering and trying to solve it in one fell swoop will only make the situation worse. It's actually not that easy to get rid of feelings instantly. Without patience and a focus on winning, it will not be possible to change the situation. So be patient and allow yourself to just feel that sadness, longing, despair and resentment sometimes. Understanding that they are as integral a part of life as positive emotions.

In general, it is very useful to look at what is happening from the outside in order to figure out what is really bothering you. The fact is that when a person experiences addiction, believing that it is love, then a lot of problems arise. Because you can really only get rid of addiction. It won't disappear on its own. It is difficult for a dependent partner to survive a breakup and collapse of hopes.

With his mind he is able to understand that something wrong is happening, but his psyche requires the usual strong emotions. Therefore, it is so important to find the strength to admit to yourself that the feeling that prevents you from living is just a painful addiction, perfectly disguised as a strong feeling.

When it is love, it does not bring suffering, it gives joy and makes you feel happy. Everything else is definitely not her. Passion, affection, habit, dependence, but not love. This is a dependence on certain emotions that such relationships give, but they have nothing to do with true love.

The inability to calmly endure partings, the need to control a person, to know where he is, the fear of losing him, the confidence that it is impossible to live without him, the willingness to tolerate his incomprehensible behavior - these are all signs of addiction.

Love makes you see the best in a person, it teaches you to trust him, rejoice in his successes, worry about not causing pain, avoid selfish actions and manipulation through scandals, threats or tears. She can leave, but after her there is no ruin left in the soul, but only slight sadness and wonderful memories of what she was, along with gratitude to the one who was able to awaken this feeling.

True love leaves quietly, there is no need to fight it, there is no need to “rip it out” from the heart. He who loves wishes only happiness for his loved one, and therefore lets go, rejoicing that it is better for him this way.

Having realized that it is not love that is tormenting, which is certainly painful to lose, but only the need of the psyche to receive negative emotions, a person subconsciously feels relief, since there is no point in holding on to this addiction. After all, she is of no value to him, which cannot be said about love. Anyone who can understand this will easily get rid of the feelings that destroy him.

Photo: How to get rid of love for a man

• You can’t blame yourself and try to understand why this happened, why you chose the wrong person, why your hopes weren’t met, why you weren’t lucky yet. These thoughts will only aggravate the situation and will not let go, constantly forcing you to think about it and look for an answer that is not there. This can happen to anyone. No one is immune from failures and problems in relationships. And this must be accepted. Anyone has the right to be weak and insecure, to try, correct, change and make mistakes. You cannot be correct and good all the time, just as it is impossible to live without difficulties and suffering.

• Imagine this happening to your close friend so you can advise her. How would they explain why she needs to forget him and let go of her feelings. Try to find a way for her to admit that she is addicted. Is it enough to just say this or is it necessary to find some arguments and signs that this is really an addiction and an unhealthy habit, and not love.
• Be sure to remember all the shortcomings of this man. In all the details, with some kind of hidden pleasure, list everything, describe it and understand that you can only feel indifference towards such a man unworthy of you, and not worry about him.
• When he is criticized in your presence, do not stop him. Let people tell you their thoughts about it. They clearly noticed something you missed. This way you will learn a lot of new things and once again make sure that this is clearly not the hero of your novel.
• Don't try to fill the vacant position with a new suitor. It is unlikely that you would advise your friend to start a new romance, according to the principle of “knock out fire with fire.” This is fraught with serious problems if you do not figure out why you confused addiction with love, why you spent so much time on the person for whom you now want to get rid of feelings.

• There is serious work ahead on yourself in order to realize that this is just a neurotic addiction, which it is time to get rid of, so as not to find yourself in a similar situation again and again. Therefore, for your own protection, you need to spend time and think about how to get rid not of feelings, they will disappear, but of habitual behavior when choosing men, which creates problems.
• And be sure to fill your life with new impressions and pleasant emotions, instead of plunging into memories, further inflating feelings that should disappear. You are always welcome in shelters for homeless animals, orphanages, environmental and public organizations. Helping others will fill you with pride and joy. And this is what is needed.

Photo: How to get rid of love for a man

No one is immune from mistakes and disappointments. Life works this way and you can only accept it. But if this cannot be avoided and changed, this does not mean at all that you do not have the strength to cope with it and learn to get out of such situations with the least losses for yourself. The main thing is to remember that believing in yourself and your success, no matter what you do and no matter what you strive for, works wonders. If you want to get what you want, believe that it is within your power and you will succeed.

She bursts into your life like a tornado. You can’t sleep, eat, work normally - you only think about him. For one look from him you are ready to give everything. Even if you're married. Even if he is fit to be your son. This love destroys and exhausts you, causing suffering. Find the strength to stop!

17:11 3.01.2014

You console yourself: it will pass. Laughing, you say to your friends: “Yes, I can do just fine without him.” When you are left alone, you cry - because you cannot live without him. You understand very well that this relationship is leading nowhere. You know he can't hold a candle to your husband or boyfriend. Nevertheless, you continue to sit for hours near the phone and flinch at every call: what if it’s him? You, like a professional detective, catch him at his office, pretending that you “met by chance.” You promise yourself: “This is the last time!” And you know yourself that you are lying. You have become nervous and irritable: you lash out at your loved ones, you cry over trifles. You feel like you've driven yourself into a corner that you can't get out of. And he has nothing to do with it anymore.

Love or neurosis?

True love is constructive. She inspires and inspires. She pushes you to new achievements, filling your heart with warmth and joy. True love changes your life for the better. But if pain and suffering are constant companions of a feeling that suddenly befalls you, it’s time to think: where are you going? And what will happen to you?

Psychiatrists call this condition “neurotic love.” It is akin to a disease: being in a love fog, you can no longer control yourself, have difficulty controlling your own emotions and commit rash acts. The price for a few sweet moments can be neurosis, depression, insomnia, and loss of self-confidence. Take the first step towards recovery: admit that you are addicted.

Litmus of relationships

So, ask yourself a litmus question: what changes have occurred in your life after meeting Him? If everything you can list is negative (relationships with family have deteriorated, work or studies are slack, health problems have begun, there is no personal growth), honestly admit to yourself: you are in a trap. First, try to understand why this happened.

Romance, oh!

If you managed to fall in love so much, it means that something is missing in your life. Most likely, emotions and warmth. Perhaps thrills and good sex - regardless of whether you are married or not.

As a rule, girls and women who tend to romanticize reality are subject to strong passions. Separations and expectations, recognition and mental anguish - you yourself subconsciously crave this. Those who did not receive enough fatherly love in childhood, or, conversely, were too spoiled by their dad or older brother, are also at risk. In any case, you are trying to fill the void that has formed in your soul with a strong feeling.

Breaking is not building

At 17 years old, it’s normal to suffer a little, as long as you don’t reach the point of masochism. When you are 30, life has turned out well, and your husband and children are waiting at home, everything is much more complicated. If you are a wise woman, you can certainly turn “inopportune love” to the benefit of yourself and your family. Now your task is to get out of the state of passion, take control of your emotions and fill your life with something productive.

Particularly dangerous situations

Every age has its own problems. But how often do we direct our feelings to an inaccessible object: a man with whom the relationship will obviously reach a dead end! If you find yourself in one of the situations described below, take off your rose-colored glasses and really assess what is happening.

Ah, teacher!

You are not yet 20. It doesn’t matter who he is - a biology teacher, coach, dad’s friend or a teacher at the university. When you see him, your tongue becomes dry in your throat, your back becomes sticky and your head feels dizzy. Naive peers no longer interest you. You go to all of his classes, even extracurriculars. And you dream in your soul that the day will come when he will finally see in you not only a student or the daughter of his friend.

What's happening? You love, of course, not the teacher himself, but your ideal: an invented image that has a very mediocre relationship to a real person. The trouble is that you transferred your experiences to a man who is clearly not suitable for your age. This suggests that you either cannot find contact with peers or feel a lack of attention from your father.

Prospects. Almost none. You will continue to suffer, keep a diary and catch his glances until you graduate from school or university. Over time, you will transfer your passion to a more accessible person.

What should I do? Realize that you have no future and accept it. Be philosophical about your passion: it will pass. Do not provoke the teacher: if you manage to awaken his desire and drag him into bed, then it will be much more difficult for you to cope with feelings. It is unlikely that your love will be mutual. It very rarely happens that passion, for example, between a student and an elderly teacher, ends in marriage - and after a couple of years, the girl usually regrets her decision.

And I love a married man

You yourself are still free, young and not very experienced. He could be your neighbor, colleague, boss - it doesn't matter. He has a family, but right now you don't care. You feel attracted to this man and you are unable to resist. He not only reciprocates your feelings, but also develops the relationship: he invites you to a cafe, gives you gifts, and shows signs of attention. At some point you realize that all your thoughts are switched to him.

What's happening? Nothing good: you are being recruited to play the role of a mistress. Having had enough of his marriage, the father of the family is looking for new sensations. He can really love you tenderly and devotedly, but he will never go beyond rare meetings in someone else’s apartment.

Prospects. To love, to suffer, to celebrate holidays and spend weekends in splendid isolation, to look around on the streets and listen to promises that “someday he will get a divorce and you will be together.” Don't believe me - he won't get divorced. He is comfortable the way he is - and he will do everything to not let you go as long as possible.

What should I do? Are you ready for all of the above? Then go ahead. Sleepless nights, tears in your pillow and neurosis are guaranteed for you. Therefore, do not encourage his advances and keep contact to a minimum. Do not allow a strong spiritual intimacy to arise between you - it will be very difficult for you to refuse it, and the further you go, the more difficult it becomes. This addiction can last for many years! If you've gone crazy completely and irrevocably, spend the night with him, make sure he's no better than his classmate Kolka, and wave your hand at him.

Love triangle: who is the odd one out?

By and large, everything is fine with you: husband, children, work, apartment - what else could you dream of? But unexpectedly, another person bursts into your life and you are unable to resist your feelings. At first you fly as if on wings. But gradually it becomes more and more difficult to hide your passion... You are torn between two fires and already hate yourself.

What's happening? A serious crisis has emerged in my relationship with my husband. Don't blame yourself too much; many families go through this. American psychotherapist Carl Whitaker called lovers and mistresses “family therapists.” He believed that relationships in marriage are cyclical: emotional intensity is followed by calm and habit, and at some point people move away from each other, experiencing loneliness and emotional hunger. Having satisfied him on the side, they gain new experience and then return to each other to move on together. The art of love in marriage lies precisely in the ability to return.

Prospects. One of two things: either you will completely destroy your family if you act rashly, or you will use the experience gained on the side to strengthen your relationship with your husband. To avoid confusion, answer the question honestly: what do you want? Are you ready to sacrifice your family for a passion on the side? Will your new friend be able to take responsibility for you and your child? And if your answer is no, be careful and prudent and observe the so-called “code of honor.”

What should I do? Even if now it seems that the object of your passion is an ideal man and suits you much more than a husband, this is an illusion. Your passion has no fewer (if not more) shortcomings, and after a year of living with him under the same roof, the habit will come again. By the way, according to statistics, only 13-25% of women (according to various sources) decide to get a divorce in order to start a new family. Among men, this percentage is much lower.

Young and seductive

You're afraid to admit it to yourself. Like a girl, you blush when you hear his young voice and cheerful laughter in the office corridor. You realize with horror that he is fit to be your son. Or maybe he’s even friends with your own son... Age, social status, experience - the gap between you is huge. However, right now all you need is him.

What's happening? The same as with most women your age. On the one hand, you want to feel young again and experience the whole gamut of feelings called falling in love. On the other hand, you dream of revealing your sensuality in the arms of an ardent young lover. It is quite possible that this love was preceded by disappointment in a man of the same age.

Prospects. If the object of your passion is a 16-year-old teenager, drive away sinful thoughts and do everything to see him as little as possible. If he has already formed an independent personality and at the same time reciprocates your attention, it is quite possible that you will be able to seduce him. However, you are unlikely to get anything more than good sex. For, as a rule, either a gigolo or a socially infantile and careless young man who longs to see a strong and caring mother woman next to him decides to have a relationship with a lady twice his age.

What should I do? You must understand that if a man cannot find a passion among his peers, he has problems. Don’t hope that in union with him you will find warmth, reciprocity, care. Be willing to give more than you receive. If public opinion doesn’t bother you, enjoy it, but don’t allow yourself to become emotionally attached to your chosen one.

Feelings in numbers

• Men and women with higher education have affairs 2 times more often than those who received only secondary education.
• About 75% of men and 30% of women have cheated on their regular partner at least once.
• According to statistics, 65% of women live in a state of chronic sexual dissatisfaction.
• According to Playboy magazine surveys, 46% of American women have had an affair with their boss, and 2/3 of women have experience of having an affair with a colleague.
• Every second marriage concluded due to strong heartfelt attraction is unsuccessful. But of the marriages concluded according to the voice of reason, only one in three are unsuccessful.
• Every fifth suicide is committed due to unhappy love.

Psychologist's advice

Do you feel like you've reached a psychological dead end? Don't say: "There is no way out!" Even the most difficult situation can be resolved. Do not throw aside any possible paths. If you try to get away from a problem and pretend that nothing is happening, you become dependent on it. Sit down, think about your situation, imagine where this or that action will lead you, and prepare in advance for the consequences. Develop rules for yourself that you will live by in the near future - you will immediately feel better.

Every person has experienced or is experiencing the feeling of falling in love at least once in their life. This feeling is multifaceted, sometimes it develops into passion or obsession, into all-consuming love, or it may simply fade away. Falling in love is a whole complex of emotions that one person experiences in relation to another. At this moment, the object of desire appears to be a certain being devoid of shortcomings. But falling in love does not always bring happiness; in some cases, it is better to get rid of this feeling once and for all. A striking example is love for a boss, a colleague, or a married man.

• First of all, you need to recognize the feeling of falling in love as unacceptable and unnecessary. Once you understand that you need to get rid of this addiction, you will have a clear goal.
• Analyze how you can avoid unnecessary memories of your lover.
• Plunge headlong into the work process. You can set deliberately high goals for yourself and try to achieve them. The more difficult the work, the more satisfying the result will be.

If the goal of how to get rid of the feeling of falling in love has been set, you need to move only in the right direction, without deviating from the set course. You can’t give yourself any slack, find excuses and excuses, or look for random meetings and dates. Overcoming the feeling of falling in love is a long and laborious process, requiring constant control and self-control.

When to get rid of love

Experienced love emotions do not always have a beneficial effect on a person’s life; sometimes they only cause harm. In what cases and how to stop this destructive process:

• Relationships with a man give a feeling of inferiority;
• During moments of quarrels, thoughts of suicide arise;
• Instead of a good mood, the woman experiences sadness and melancholy;
• Nervous breakdowns and depression often occur;
• There is a disruption in the functioning of the gastrointestinal tract.

If you experience similar sensations during the period of falling in love, run away from such a relationship, and the sooner the better. You need to suppress your emotions, they will bring nothing but misfortune. In pursuit of a ghostly ideal, you can miss truly real feelings. You must not lose your mind - if the object of your adoration is prone to aggression and violence, you must urgently stop all communication.

How to survive a breakup with your loved one, how to cope with falling in love and continue to live? These and many other questions are most often asked by women at an appointment with a psychologist. There are several standard ways to solve the problem.

Take care of yourself

A well-groomed woman always attracts attention and is confident. Take care of yourself, and the result will not take long to arrive. A change of wardrobe, a new hairstyle and makeup, a solarium, a gym - all these actions will allow you to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence.

New way of life

Make new friends, visit museums, exhibitions, go to the cinema and theater. The less free time you have, the less you will think about your lover. Perhaps the principle of substitution will work - and you will start a real relationship.

Change job

Office romances are not that uncommon, and there are only two ways to deal with the feeling of falling in love at work: quit or learn to cope with your emotions. If the first option does not suit you, then you need to wait until everything goes away on its own. Try to overlap less at work; the fewer meetings, the faster the feelings will fade away.

Getting over a breakup

The breakdown of a relationship is always a tragedy that is deeply experienced by both parties. Don't hold back your emotions, give free rein to your feelings. Break a couple of plates, cry, scream, after which noticeable relief will come. Suppressed emotions must find a way out, otherwise a depressive state may set in, which is more difficult to get out of than it seems.

Make a list of pros and cons

Every person has shortcomings, and the object of your adoration is no exception. Take a closer look at a man from the outside: he, like everyone else, has advantages and disadvantages. At the moment we pay attention to negative qualities. Having made the list, think about whether this is your person? Is it possible to connect your life with him, to experience all the difficulties and hardships along the path of life? If there are plenty of items on your list, most likely it’s time to take off your rose-colored glasses and soberly assess the situation.

Out of sight

All gifts, photographs, cute trinkets, in a word, everything that prevents you from starting the fight against falling in love, needs to be put away. If your gaze does not constantly come across things associated with your loved one, the emotions will become less intense and soon go away altogether.

Live your life

If your feelings are not mutual, do not try to arrange “random” meetings with the object of your crush. Such actions are clearly visible to others and can only cause ridicule at you. Live your life, spend your free time not on sad thoughts, but on traveling, looking for new exciting activities. Positive and open people rarely wonder how to get rid of an unanswered crush.

Find support from friends or family

If you realize that you cannot cope with your feelings on your own, seek outside help. A close friend will be able to objectively look at your difficult situation and give advice on how to suppress your emotions.

"Fight fire with fire"

This statement is one hundred percent suitable for your problem - how to overcome the feeling of falling in love with an “unattainable” ideal. Start a new romance, albeit short-lived, but exciting. Even if the new relationship clearly has no future, a short-term affair will allow you to displace the object of your adoration from your thoughts.

Talk about your feelings

If you can’t shake the feeling that there is still a chance to develop a further relationship, just talk to your lover. As long as this “if” exists, you will not be able to feel calm. The main task of how to survive falling in love is to get rid of the hope for a successful relationship. Either he will reciprocate or he will reject, there is no third option. If it’s difficult to decide to have a frank conversation, write a letter.

It is not necessary to strictly follow these instructions; perhaps some points are not even needed. A person falls in love with lightning speed, but love also passes quickly, developing into a deeper feeling or disappearing forever. There are several ways to kill the feeling of falling in love, and if you set a goal for yourself, it will certainly be achieved.

Life is a strange and complex thing, and sometimes it poses such unexpected questions to us. Someone will be surprised: are you crazy? After all, love is the most beautiful thing that can exist in the world. This is the golden source that many search so diligently and yet never find in their entire lives. After all, doesn’t the Bible and many other sacred texts affirm that God himself is love? And here you are about to get rid of this feeling. For what?

How to get rid of the feeling of love? After all, it may be unreal or undivided, and here, no matter how you look at it, you need to get rid of it. The pleasure from such a feeling is doubtful, but the suffering is quite real. You can learn to distinguish true love, attention, only with experience, in which there will definitely be difficulties and problems. In this article I will try to tell you in what cases we need to get rid of the feeling we mistake for love mercilessly (towards ourselves).

What is love?
It is, of course, difficult to describe what love is. Let's just say that it is unlikely that this feeling, if it is real, will be confused with something else. At least because. When true love appears, the rest of the world disappears or is pushed into the background. True love has one important property by which it can be recognized - it is unconditional. Will you still love a person if he is not with you? In case you never see him again? What feelings will fill you if the answer is positive: resentment, hatred or something else? True love knows no barriers in time, space, or physical sense - and, of course, it does not know the feeling of possessiveness.

Ask yourself these questions right now and answer sincerely. Is your love like this? If not, it is not love. This is affection, passion, sympathy, habit - anything, but not love. Thus, if this dislike causes you inconvenience or even outright suffering, it’s time to stop it. True love is a dance, a radiance, and not torture at all.

Unresponsibility.
A situation that everyone has experienced at least once in their life - an unrequited feeling. Any girl knows what it is. When you love a man with all your soul and body, with all your being: you want to marry him, give birth to a bunch of children, live in a big house (maybe on the ocean) and, of course, die one day and very soon. And suddenly it turns out that the hero doesn’t even look in your direction. And that's the best case scenario. At worst, he plays with your feelings for a while, and then throws it away and exchanges it for another. And it turns out that this big and bright feeling was one-sided. And the relationship has already ended, but the feeling has not gone away! Even if it is now colored by pain and unpleasant memories.

It is important to understand that you cannot buy love. Either it exists or it doesn’t. Very often we fall in love not with a real man, but with an image that we have fantasized for ourselves. We pump up this image with our energy and place our hopes on it. We believe that he is wonderful, the best person in the world. And indeed it is! After all, we created it ourselves. Only life is cruel, and very often, almost always, this bright image has a very indirect relationship with a real man. If it has at all. After all, we know how to fall in love with outright scoundrels, and we want to change them, we are sure that we can, and we turn a blind eye to their actions and attitude...

Enough, girls - we need to live in the real world! And look at things soberly. This does not mean that you should become an insensitive roach. Not at all! But you also need to be able to turn on your head. Feelings are not a goal, but a means, a companion on your path. Don’t turn the whole world into a fantasy - it will definitely come back to haunt you, at the most inconvenient moment.

So what should I do?
So, how can you get rid of the feeling of love if you are terribly tired of it, and the object of your passion does not share your bright feeling? There are several proven recipes. An important condition: you must seriously want to stop experiencing this feeling. It is clear that suffering for such a sublime reason is a very tempting activity, but ineffective and unworthy of a self-respecting person, and especially a real woman!

First, pull yourself together and stop considering yourself the most unfortunate creature in this galaxy. Stop sitting at home and whining. Unrequited love is not an apocalypse. You will definitely fall in love again. And you will be loved. Perhaps you are loved right now with hot, big, true love! But you don’t see this, blinded by the fog of longing for a relationship that can no longer be returned or one that actually never existed! Try to understand this last fact especially well. What useful things did you learn from this story? For example, that you are capable of great feeling. Not him, but you. This feeling lives inside you, and it will not go away from you. He just needs to find a more worthy use.

Under no circumstances try to get this person back, behave with dignity, and don’t lose face. Games are a thing of the past.

Take care of your own appearance and health. For us women, it is often enough to change our image not even radically, but slightly, in order to overcome a traumatic situation. Buy yourself some nice clothes. Walk more. Finally, sign up for a fitness class. Look at the situation positively - you now have a lot of time freed up, which you can spend not on self-flagellation and melancholy, but on becoming better!

There is also an opinion that you need to quickly enter into a new relationship in order to forget the old ones. Wedge with wedge, so to speak. You shouldn't agree with this logic. The first person you meet, to whom you rashly give your already suffering heart, may well turn out to be an even worse person than your ex, or simply the same. This will be enough to finish you off and plunge you into the abyss of depression and gloomy thoughts about going to a monastery.

You need to switch to something more secure. Which will definitely not leave you with a broken heart. Anything will do (except food: an exciting movie, an interesting book, a new hobby. Attend concerts, events, exhibitions. Meet new interesting people. Push yourself - that’s the most important thing. And don’t allow yourself to sit motionless and think. In general, try think less and act more and more productively.

Catharsis.
May all those feelings that brought you pain and bitterness of disappointment eventually disappear from your life. This will definitely happen after a certain period if you act correctly and do not allow yourself to become limp. Attract as many positive emotions into your life as possible. After all, you really deserve better, and not humiliation because of a person who, moreover, has never really seen the real you.

True love will still exist. She will definitely come. This feeling always changes a person for the better. In the meantime, enjoy life, don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t expect anything. Live one day at a time and enjoy every moment. This period, when you are no longer sad, but have not yet found (discovered) new love, is great for self-development and better understanding of yourself.

Having gone through them, I was able to clearly separate false and real love, became better aware of my desires, and discovered a new interesting area of ​​life - spiritual improvement. I invite you there too, dear readers! Stop shedding tears over a broken trough. Time, work and patience - this is the answer to the question: “how to get rid of the feeling of love? There is an amazing universe around us, and true love is what the world is made of! Love lives inside us, and finding it is an amazing adventure in which, there must be, and is, a meaning to human life.

Very often, a request for psychological consultation takes the form: spare me from...

From
- from jealousy
- from love
- from tears
- from memories
- from hot temper
- from doubts
- from my husband
- from low self-esteem
the list goes on in fact.

It turns out that most often we are hindered by an important and emotionally rich part of ourselves. Thus, there is no self-acceptance. We want to be ideal, good and acceptable to given standards.
But it is important to learn that there are no bad or wrong feelings! Every experience has its own important role to play. When there is danger, feelings of fear, anger, or helplessness may arise. When you lose a loved one - sadness, sadness, a feeling of loneliness. When meeting a loved one there is barely contained joy. Of course, we would all like to experience only positive feelings and emotions. But then we would constantly be putting ourselves in danger. After all, every feeling tells us something, every feeling has a basis.

As a rule, so that experiences of fear, anger, jealousy, excitement, embarrassment and other emotions and feelings do not interfere with life, they should simply be allowed to be. It’s easier to feel fear and deal with it correctly than to try to convince yourself that it doesn’t exist or shouldn’t exist.

When you try to get rid of emotions and experiences, they begin to accumulate - and begin to act with triple force, because muscle tension will increase (we wrote about this in this article). How would you behave if they tried to convey to you that you are not there, that you are insignificant and are in the way?

Psychologist's services

At psychological consultations, we often communicate with people who keep within themselves the unexperienced of many years ago, declared non-existent, because... driven deep into oneself under great pressure. No matter how compressed the “negative” experience may be under the influence of new experience, it is quite difficult not to remember it.

What we declare foreign and unnecessary, the body tries to reject and suffers from it, even physically. Because emotions are part of the physical body, because the body itself produced these emotions in the form of chemicals. It's like cutting off your fingers with a knife.

This is why it is so important to learn to accept what is inside you: feelings, emotions, past memories. It is important to learn to accept yourself as anyone.

The same situation can cause guilt, shame, or both feelings at once in different people.

Freud believed that the main reason for the feeling of guilt is the conflict between instincts and reason, that is, biological and social in a person. A similar reason is the conflict between egoism and altruism, personal and public.

Shame is most often born out of an internal desire to live up to the ideal of the parents, but at the same time the need to be an independent person, the discrepancy between the desires of the individual and the beliefs of the parents. Guilt is rooted in a person's need to control internal aggression.

Feelings of guilt can be justified or unfounded. The latter is more difficult to combat, since the individual himself rarely realizes the true reasons, and they lie in childhood and the style of education, in which parents demand a lot, scold and punish the child, forbid and shame.

The feeling of guilt and shame is brought up in people from childhood. This is a favorite way for parents to influence their child’s behavior, although it is not entirely correct. Abuse of this method leads to an unconscious feeling of guilt.

So, the main reasons for feeling guilty include:

• An actual action that has dangerous or harmful consequences for other people.
• Thoughts about such an act.
• Violation of social norms.
• Infringement of one's own interests and needs for the sake of someone else's personal or social ideas, a feeling of life being wrong, potential being squeezed.
• Destructive style of family education.
• Unjustified expectations, failure to meet other people's or one's own requirements.
• Inaction leading to negative consequences.
• Manipulation from the outside, instilling guilt. Suspicious, modest, lack of initiative and undecided people without their own worldview succumb.
• Characteristics (prevalence of suspiciousness, sentimentality, highly developed empathy).

How to get rid of the feeling of intense love. The difference between infatuation and love

Not everyone is able to determine the line between a passing hobby and a serious feeling. Moreover, even scientists and psychologists who seriously studied this issue could not come to a general conclusion. A number of characteristics can be identified to determine the difference between falling in love and love.

Before fear crosses all boundaries and turns into pathology, get rid of it:

• Don’t concentrate on disturbing thoughts, get rid of them, learn to switch to positive aspects;
• Do not dramatize the situation, realistically assess what is happening;
• Learn to quickly get rid of fear. There are many ways: art therapy, yoga, switching techniques, meditation, listening to classical music;
• Focus on the positive by repeating, “I am protected. I'm fine. I am safe,” until you get rid of fear;
• Don’t be afraid of fear, psychologists advise studying it and even talking and writing letters to your fear. This allows you to get rid of it faster;
• To get rid of fear within yourself, meet it, go through it over and over again until you manage to get rid of it;
• There is a good breathing exercise for getting rid of fear and anxiety. You need to sit comfortably, straighten your back and begin to breathe slowly deeply, mentally imagining that you are inhaling courage and exhaling fear. In about 3-5 minutes you will be able to get rid of fear and anxiety.

What to do if you need to quickly get rid of fear?

There are times when you need to quickly get rid of fear. These can be emergency cases where life and death are at stake.

A psychologist's advice will help you get rid of shock, take the situation into your own hands, and suppress panic and anxiety:

• Breathing techniques will help you calm down and get rid of anxiety and fear. Take a slow, deep breath in and out at least 10 times. This will make it possible to realize what is happening and get rid of anxiety and fear;
• Get very angry, this will relieve fear and give you the opportunity to act immediately;
• Talk to yourself, calling yourself by name. You will calm down internally, get rid of anxiety, be able to assess the situation you find yourself in and understand how to act;
• A good way to get rid of anxiety, remember something funny and laugh heartily. The fear will quickly disappear.

As an adult, a person with a chronic sense of guilt coming from childhood becomes a very strict and even cruel parent to himself. Any reproach from strangers leads to strong guilt and shame flaring up in him. As a rule, these are imaginary reasons, not real ones (“She somehow looked at me wrong, I must have offended her in some way”).
He may feel guilty before a person for his negative emotions towards him, for his indifference or inability to help someone, for living better than those around him, for not living up to someone’s expectations, and so on. Some go so far as to consider themselves to be responsible for all the ills of humanity, although this already looks like delusions of grandeur.

A person with a painful sense of guilt creates extremely strict boundaries and rules (shoulds) for himself, and punishes himself for violating them. For example, he mentally sets himself the attitude “I must be an impeccable worker” or “I must become an ideal husband (wife, mother).” But as we understand, there are no ideal people, everyone makes mistakes and does the wrong things. However, for a person who experiences a constant feeling of guilt for nothing and for everything at once, violation of these dogmas causes severe stress. It is quite understandable that it is very difficult for such people to be happy and enjoy life. Instead, they constantly bite themselves, engage in self-examination, self-flagellation, drive themselves into strict limits and punish themselves for their non-ideal behavior according to the principle learned in childhood: “If you are guilty, be punished.”

Note that such people often experience dual emotions towards their parents: on the one hand, they are angry with them for their overly harsh upbringing, and on the other hand, they feel guilty before them. In this case, the attitude “I must earn good money in order to provide my father and mother with a comfortable old age” is often encountered. If this dogma is violated and earnings are not as high as we would like, the feeling of guilt is right there. It manifests itself especially strongly in cases where one of the parents or both of them have died. In such a situation, a person begins to blame himself for not being able to cure mom or dad, for not doing everything that was possible. But you need to understand that in most cases this is not in your power and not in your area of ​​responsibility, so do not torment yourself with remorse. This will not help your parents in any way, and it can significantly poison your life.

Injuries inflicted on a child are inevitable. Injuries shape our personality along with positive experiences, and not always for the “worse.” And, moreover, much sooner than many of us think. There is an opinion that before the age of 18, all the major injuries have already affected us. So, injuries are inevitable. This is part of reality! If you are ready to live in reality, be prepared to be periodically injured and traumatized. If you set the goal “not to cause injury”, it’s the same as setting the goal “not to live.” By the way, even the goal of “not causing injury” itself traumatizes the child. (Surely you are familiar with the concept of “overprotection” and what comes of it.)

Then what is the “trick”? And it’s not about NOT TRAUMAZING, but about helping to LIVE the trauma so that it doesn’t control the child’s subsequent life. How is that?

The fact is that a strong mark on a child’s soul is left not so much by the trauma itself as by the absence of an empathetic other nearby. Another who can tell the child: what is happening, what he is experiencing now, name his feelings, check with him: is this how he feels, talk to the child, discuss without censorship and evaluation all his fears and experiences, accept them without conditions. And then, despite the fact that the traumatic experience does not go away, the child has another experience. Trauma, one might say, “gives” him, through a loved one nearby, the experience of acceptance, the experience of intimacy, the experience of support, the experience of accepting that the situation is bearable, that he, the person, is able to survive this situation and survive. This is the way in which yesterday's "trauma" is transformed into today's "resource". The child gains strength. The wound stops bleeding and heals. It does not disappear anywhere, but it no longer hurts, and this pain does not control the child for the rest of his life.

Now look.

The truth of life is that there is no magic wand that you can wave and injuries will “just disappear.” Let's say it has already happened. And let’s say you had a hand in this. And let’s say that you and your child did not experience the trauma “as you should have.” They didn’t survive for various reasons: because they themselves were injured, because they didn’t notice his injury, they didn’t know what to do even if they noticed, they didn’t think it was necessary, they didn’t empathize with his injury in principle, because they inflicted it themselves. There are many reasons and each has its own in different situations. But now that you have discovered what you “had a hand in”, you don’t have to waste energy mourning the old, you can “have a hand” in something new. The reality is that past negative experience cannot be... “evaporated”; what has been accomplished cannot become unaccomplished. But the old negative experience can be EMPOWERED, deprived of strength, by introducing a new one - positive. The exhausted experience becomes manageable. And the participation of a parent in this sense is simply invaluable!

In psychology there is such a concept as “interiorization.” It describes the transition from external to internal. A person interiorizes life experience throughout his life. In childhood - more active, in adulthood - less. But it still internalizes. When I say the word “experience,” I do not mean only a set of information, a list of situations and mental conclusions. I'm talking more about the experience of feeling, the experience of realizing oneself in different situations, the experience that forms “inner knowledge” about oneself and the world. “Knowledge” is not with the head, but often unconscious “knowledge”. And if earlier “with parental help” the child “grew up” in himself a “loser”, “unworthy of love”, “unimportant”, etc., now, with the help of the same parents and other people, he has the opportunity to “grow up” in himself “worthy of love”, “accepted”, “approved”, etc.

How to do it?

Through other relationships. A parent needs to build a relationship with his child differently. Closer, more open relationships. And it's never too late. But this involves certain risks. After all, we all care about our children, but not all of us are ready to be open with our children. Are we willing to be vulnerable sometimes for our children? Sometimes confused, not too smart? After all, through our vulnerability as adults, they learn that it is possible to be big, strong and vulnerable at the same time. Our experiences legitimize their experiences. They create an internal knowledge that you can be an adult, a “respected” person and at the same time imperfect in some way. But the most important knowledge that a parent can give to a child is the KNOWLEDGE THAT HE CAN CHANGE. His mother may become different. His dad might change. -> He himself can change. Always, as soon as he chooses to change. Just like you will do as soon as you finish mourning your imperfections.

In order to be able to build a different relationship with your child, of course, you must first take care of yourself. In order to be able to “be with others,” you must be able to “be with yourself.” Inside every parent lives their own inner traumatized child. And he needs help - above all! Perhaps if our own parents had helped us at one time to “grow” the inner knowledge that being a flawed parent is normal and GOOD ENOUGH, then now our feelings of guilt in front of our children would not paralyze us, forcing us to “sprinkle our heads” again and again ashes" instead of focusing on the needs of your child.

Essentially, what happens in a psychologist's office? That's it. There relationships are created, the experience of which a person internalizes - “appropriates” to himself. He feels that he is accepted by another person - and learns to accept himself; he sees that the person sitting opposite understands him - and begins to understand himself. Over time, this new experience will be so appropriated by the client that he will be able to accept, respect, and appreciate himself more. But when your own parent does this, NO PSYCHOLOGIST IS NEEDED.

True, sometimes the parent himself needs a psychologist in order to “treat” his inner traumatized child who lives in the parent himself. But this is a topic for another conversation.

Oddly enough, if a person feels lonely, this does not mean that he really does not have close people. Moreover, he may have friends, a life partner and children, but at the same time the person will still feel that he is lonely and no one understands him.

Instructions

To understand the situation, sit down and think about what exactly you are not getting from your current social circle. Psychologists have the term “sensory deprivation,” which means information-emotional hunger. Each of us needs our own dose of emotions and information, and if a person does not receive enough of it, problems begin. But, as you know, a person receives information and emotions in different ways.

For example, if you do not have a permanent partner and you feel lonely about this, think about what you would like to receive from this partner. Perhaps these are tactile sensations, and you miss hugs and affection. But temporary partners are not able to fulfill your need for tenderness, and the situation gets even worse. In this case, sign up for couples dancing or massage courses in which students practice on each other. This will help fill your hunger for tactile sensations and not feel so lonely.

If you don't feel safe and feel lonely, try a different route. Install an alarm system at your home, install an iron entrance door, and the best thing is get a dog.

If you don’t have enough bright impressions in your life, you shouldn’t go to great lengths. To start, try going to a theater, concert, or movie instead of watching a movie or listening to music at home. When a crowd shares your emotions, it is perceived much more vividly than if you felt it alone in front of the TV. If these emotions are still not enough for you, try doing some sport with extreme elements: parachuting, kayaking down the river. Do not forget to follow safety rules.

Perhaps you don't have someone who shares your interests, and you feel lonely for this reason. In such a situation, you have two options - let someone close to you watch a film that is significant to you (teach your favorite hobby), or look for like-minded people via the Internet.

note

Do you return home every day, where no one is waiting for you, and have almost lost hope of organizing your personal life? To get rid of the feeling of loneliness, the first step is to figure out and determine what kind of impressions and information are missing to fill this particular deficiency, because everyone’s needs are different and people are lonely in different ways.

Helpful advice

This is a terrible feeling of loneliness. The most common misconception is the idea that a person or group of people who should constantly be near you, constantly surround you with their attention, communicate with you and build relationships with you will help you get rid of loneliness.

“Betrothed, mummer, come to me for dinner.” You're probably familiar with these words if you've ever cast a spell on your boyfriend on a Christmas night?

Just like many unmarried girls, you sat in the dark in front of a mirror with a candle and peered into the reflection with hope - would the image of your lover appear? But he didn't show up. And it probably won't appear again. After all, he is your unrequited love.

So how can you get rid of this feeling if you see its real image almost every day? If he doesn't know about your experiences. Or, on the contrary, he knows, but cannot answer you in the same way. Or he has had another girlfriend for a long time.

How deep are your feelings?

There are differences between liking, falling in love and true love. Perhaps you haven’t really understood yourself yet and are confusing these concepts. Let's clarify how difficult your situation is.

Just sympathy

Perhaps you are too young and this is the first time you have had this feeling. But you are sure: this is love. But it’s not so sad if:

Your heart skips a beat just when he appears. At other times, you are quite calm, you can easily concentrate on your studies or work.

You also like other men. Your boyfriend, of course, is the best, but nevertheless, you don’t mind having a blast in a male company.

You are easily distracted from thoughts about your lover. As soon as your girlfriends switch you to something interesting, you immediately forget about it.

When he appears, you don’t lose your composure. On the contrary, you easily flirt and flirt with him.

You easily and actively communicate with him on the phone and on social networks and for the word “don’t pick your pocket.”

If he treats you the same way - with sympathy, then in fact you could become just good friends. Perhaps this will be the case in the future if you truly understand what it is to fall in love with another guy.

Just falling in love

This feeling can hardly be called ordinary sympathy - everything is much deeper. And if it arose for the first time, then it seems like a disaster, even though it can be “treated.”

Thoughts about your lover become more and more intrusive. Although I wouldn’t call them gloomy. On the contrary - birds sing in your head, butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You've become sentimental. You are moved and cry while watching romantic melodramas, and suddenly you started writing poetry.

When you meet your lover, you get lost. You behave unnaturally, laugh nervously, make stupid jokes. And then you yourself are ashamed of your behavior.

You don't like those girls who hang around your boyfriend. They are all dangerous rivals for you.

Megaera awakens in you. You happily spread gossip about your rivals and gloat if they have a breakdown in their relationship with your lover.

You still don’t mind flirting with someone in men’s company. But sometimes you do it for “show off” to make your boyfriend jealous.

You carefully choose every phrase when communicating with him on social networks. It's harder for you to talk to him because you're afraid of screwing up.

Are you sure that your feeling is not mutual? If you are in the same company with a guy and constantly communicate with him, then maybe he also feels love for you, but is also afraid to admit it?

If, nevertheless, you are sure that he doesn’t feel anything for you, then it’s time for you to “knock it out with a wedge” - and switch to some guy who will reciprocate your feelings. When you fall in love, the feeling has not yet become stronger, it is in an embryonic state, and the main thing is not to let it develop.

Real love

So - love. Yes, she is the most unrequited. If a man doesn’t know about your feelings, then he obviously guesses, or they have already been reported to him, it’s too difficult to hide it from everyone for a long time. Well, unless you're a fan of some artist. In this case, immediately “grouse”.

How does it manifest itself, this love “one way”:

You constantly think only about him. Whatever work or study there is, everything is a disaster. Whatever you do and wherever you are, you think only about your loved one.

You are constantly aware of his life. You even know about his childhood. His personal life haunts you: you are happy when he is single, and depressed if he is dating someone.

But you still worry about him. You rejoice with him if everything is fine in his business, you are sad if he is sick, and you are always ready to rush to his aid.

You don't need another one. You immediately stop any attempts by your friends to introduce you to any man.

You try to be in his sight all the time. To be in a company, to work together, to be friends with his parents. But you are always afraid of boring him.

Well, if you are sure that your love is truly unrequited, then you need to try to turn it back to the zero point. Because in this way you will exhaust him too, if your actions resemble the behavior of a crazy maniac, and you will not arrange your own life.

If you think about him, think backwards

To begin with, remember firmly: he personally does not owe you anything. He didn’t leave you - he just didn’t love you and doesn’t love you. Therefore, even thinking about his bad qualities, the main thing is not to arouse feelings of hatred in yourself. All you need is indifference to him.

Now let's mentally return from the present to the past:

What do you have now? Nothing but depression and thoughts about him. Love for a stone that cannot be pierced. Even if he treats you respectfully in public, what does he say about you behind your back? Perhaps he laughs at your feelings, or perhaps he is angry because of your obsession.

If he is an impenetrable stone for you, then you are nothing at all for him. Transparent air, invisible, zilch. He had real girls whom he somehow even noticed. By the way, why did he break up with them? Perhaps you are idealizing him, but he is not so simple.

You know his biography very well and some unpleasant nuances in it. He was also a bully and loved to fight at discos. Surely his girls also fell under the hot hand, so they broke up. Hot-tempered - what a nightmare.

How was your acquaintance? Did you experience love at first sight? Well, then it’s like buying a house: it’s a beautiful house, I like it, I buy it. But when you start living in it, everything is wrong: there is mold, bricks are falling down, pipes are rotten. It’s the same with relationships - until you get into them headlong, you don’t need to build illusions.

What were you like before you met? Happy, cheerful, in great demand among all men. Studying was a blast, you were hanging out at all the nightclubs with your girlfriends, you had freedom. And now you are free, but in a completely different way. Longing for such freedom.

So, if you rewind your life like a film in reverse, then you were happy then, and not now. And it was not this “stone” that made you sad, but your illusions. And to reset them, you don’t have to look at the good qualities of your lover. There aren't that many of them. It’s better to accumulate negativity from his life for yourself - you obviously won’t like it, and then you’ll come back.

Well, imagine, you somehow managed to charm your macho man. If this is not a one-time night, then it seems to be good. You and he have begun a life that involves quarrels, resentments and even scandals.

In everyday life, could you forgive your “ideal” for the following things:

• he raises his hand to you,
• he's cheating on you
• he saves money on you
• he's deceiving you
• he criticizes you
• he hates your mom
• he drinks a lot.

If you answered “yes” to all the questions, then you are either a masochist or lying to yourself. And these things are often found in everyday life. Therefore, understand for yourself: there are no ideal people, and you just invented one for yourself.

Will he be able to get used to your character? You love beautiful things, but he is greedy with money even for a modest handbag. You are jealous, and he likes to pinch girls in a dark corner. You love to hang out with your girlfriends, and he will limit your freedom. Do you like this?

At least for a while, try to forget him. Imagine that he left. It would be better if he actually left for some period of time. After all, love for a man is also measured by separation and distance.

Now take this time to return to your happy point. Try to do the same thing you did before you met your lover. Walk, dance, have fun. Just have a real blast, as if a time machine took you back in time and you don’t have this unrequited love yet.

Allow yourself what you didn't allow. Well, I hoped that you would fight for the guy, and therefore nothing should compromise you.

Flirt with other men. And by the way, try to have an affair with someone. Well, maybe not for love yet, but to prove to yourself your attractiveness.

Take your time. Something very interesting. For example, water aerobics or horse riding. It’s both nice and interesting.

Don't forget to do auto training. If memories of a guy come flooding in, think only about his negative qualities.

Change yourself. Style, hairstyle, makeup. With a change of image, you will see in the mirror the image of a completely different girl. Cheerful, not sad.

Time has passed, a lot has changed, some things have been forgotten. But your lover is back again. Were you able to get rid of your past self when you met him again?

The last resort is to leave on your own.

If you notice that nothing has changed after the absence of your lover, and your unrequited love has gained even greater momentum and has become almost painful, then now you will have to leave. For a while, forever - as it turns out.

And be sure that somewhere where you will heal yourself from your past love, you will meet a person. And it will be mutual love. And you won’t necessarily need to guess at it by peering into the reflection of the mirror. He will be real, most beloved and dearest.