You've been together for a while. Perhaps several months, perhaps many years. You were passionate about each other, or even in love. Then it happened that you broke up.
You were sad, angry, cried, lost a couple of kilograms. I consoled myself with my friends, visited a psychologist, played sports, traveled the world, took up a dozen new hobbies, realized that life was just beginning, began to look great, go to concerts, theaters, and dates. I started smiling in the morning and before bed. Suddenly...
Risen from the ashes, . As in the old joke: “All in white!”
Where he was? Why did you come back? What does he want? How should I react to him? These and other questions instantly pop up in a woman’s head, leading her into confusion.
A colleague of mine once gave a great example from the life of porcupines: “At night, when it gets cool, porcupines roll together to warm themselves. But as soon as they get close, they hurt each other with their long needles. Animals move away from pain. It gets cold again, they get closer again, hurt each other, roll back... This is how the night of the porcupines passes.”
When I heard this story, I immediately had an association with ex-men. There is no such “porcupine” that has never “rolled” back. Why are they doing that?
Why they come back: three reasons
The first reason: to evaluate the correctness of the choice
And for the most part they have an analytical mind. Once a man has made a choice, he checks its relevance and correctness at certain intervals. Be it marriage with a woman, or breaking up with her. At the same time, it is worth understanding that a man remembers his ex at the moment when something went wrong with his present one. Therefore, by the frequency of appearances, you can track the dynamics of his personal life without even asking him about it.
Second reason: check ownership
If the initiative for the breakup came from a man, and especially if there was no breakup as such, and he simply moved away, he retains a sense of the right to possess this woman for a long time. And then the man appears to make sure that her thoughts and feelings still belong to him.
Your emotional reaction will help him make sure of this. It doesn’t matter whether it is positive or negative. If a woman loves and waits, she belongs to him. If a woman hates or suffers, she belongs to him. This is why our ex so often triggers an emotional reaction in us. Cold-blooded, benevolent indifference is the worst thing a man can discover. So he understands that the woman is no longer his.
Third reason: you started living
A happy woman has a magnet - a man is drawn to her. Starting a relationship in a fulfilled state, a woman focuses on the man and forgets about life in all its diversity. And it becomes empty.
Then for a long time, suffering for a man after a breakup, the woman does not really live, remaining empty. Naturally, he doesn’t remember her. But when she begins to live, do things she loves, communicate, enjoy, go on dates, create career success, the man feels this energy. The energy of life, positivity, success, pleasure, and immediately appears. becomes interesting to him again.
What to do with those “rising from the ashes”?
If an ex appears in your life, and you are not going to renew your relationship with him, then remember these three tips.
Tip #1: Take Returns as an Indicator
The appearance of former men in a woman’s life can be safely perceived as a compliment to her energetic fullness.
Tip #2: Be friends if such relationships create value for you
I do not recommend making friends with an ex-man for a year or two after breaking up. This is the period of living through loss. At this moment, friendship cannot be sincere; most likely, it is accompanied by suffering and hopes of one of the parties. But after the separation process has been completed, we can maintain friendly relations with former partners if it is beneficial and pleasant for both.
Being friends with an ex means receiving/creating help and support, collaborating, cheering up, and much more that people who like each other in many ways can do.
Tip #3: Be amazed by and thank universal wisdom
It’s surprising, but through the prism of time, people begin to understand that the breakup was not a drama, not a tragedy, but a gift. Almost no one, ten years after a divorce or separation, thinks about resuming the relationship. The more time passes, the more obvious the grand design of the universe becomes.
Good luck to you, past, present and future, my dears!
Once upon a time you met him and you became romantically involved. You were in love and quite happy, but something went wrong. The relationship between a man and a woman is a kind of contract that is built on sexual, love, friendship, financial or psychological components. If any clause of the “contract” is not fulfilled, .
Breaking up can be quite painful. But sometimes it becomes even more painful if the ex begins to assert himself again. As a rule, this happens at the most unexpected moment, when everything is already fine without him, and even more often when a husband and children appear.
There are many reasons why a former lover might write. It is necessary to pay attention not only to the fact that he is suddenly, but also to the fact that he is the one for you.
If he mainly writes about how his business is going, most likely he just decided to show you that he is doing well without you. If he talks about his new woman, job, car, etc., it means he wants you to regret breaking up with such a “great guy.” This reason for your communication lies on the surface, but if you dig deeper, you can see his feelings that have not yet extinguished. Think logically, why would a person who is already happy tell you about this? Definitely, he still cares about you, even if he himself doesn’t understand it yet.
If your ex is more interested in your life, it means that he has not cooled off towards you. In this way, he shows signs of attention to you, because not every man knows how to listen to a woman.
If your ex-love openly tells you how she feels, you have an important decision to make for yourself.
Is it worth going back to your ex-boyfriend?
Immediately remember what caused your separation. It’s not for nothing that you had a relationship with him last time. Is it worth making the same mistake again?
Think about your real life. If you have a reliable man and are afraid of losing him, be careful when texting your ex. Make a comparative description of your two lovers and compare the feelings you have for each of them.
Remember that there are guys who write to their ex-girlfriends just to unsettle them. Some of them want revenge for having once been abandoned.
In any case, it’s up to you to decide how to answer him and whether it’s worth answering at all. Listen to your heart and it will tell you why you need it
The ex is the same man you broke up with, who broke your heart and for whom you shed a lot of tears. Time passed and here it is, a miracle, he wrote: “Hello! How are you doing?" And the woman’s heart trembled: “He realized what a treasure he had lost! He bit his elbows, knees and heels and finally appreciated me! I’m his queen and he loves me!” This is what women think (not all, of course, but the vast majority), but what actually happens?Previously, in order to, you had to lift your butt and come home to it. Later, this process became much more accessible and easier; you just had to dial the coveted number on your cell phone and chat. Now you don’t have to stress at all; in any messenger or social network you type “Hello!” from the phone, and that's it. At this point the courtship process can be considered complete. And if a man also sends a bouquet with a smiley face, then it’s generally happiness. So, why is he writing (keyword: he didn’t come, he didn’t even call, he’s just writing, his ex).
Option one. Because it's boring
The most common case when an ex writes is simple boredom. At home, your wife or new girlfriend has prepared cabbage soup, TV shows nonsense as usual, the beer has been drunk, there is a snowstorm outside, it’s boring. And so, wandering around the vast expanses of the Internet, he accidentally finds her and remembers her existence. Why not chat before your wife covers all correspondence with a copper basin? It’s just boring to such an extent that non-binding communication with your ex is quite suitable. Again, nostalgia... Option two. Because it's interesting
Sometimes it’s just interesting, from a cognitive perspective, how does she live there? What is he doing? Maybe she drank herself to death from grief? Or, on the contrary, did you get into weightlifting? Or does the one and only me still suffer? Most often, exes try to find out if the girl has a new man, and if not, the evening was a success. Sometimes there is nothing wrong in the ex’s head at all, I just wonder how she lives, with what, with whom, why? It’s like looking at pages in Odnoklassniki.Option three. Boast of
It turns out that men are also very, especially they like to “fluff their tail” in front of their ex-girlfriends. Especially if she left him herself, but if he also fled into the sunset, then that’s okay too. Men quite often deliberately look for their ex on the Internet, only to show her photographs of their new car or their new girlfriend or themselves, “photoshopped”, with six-pack abs and a brutal chin to boot. Only those men whose dignity was once hurt by a girl are capable of writing: “Hello!” and then casually boasting of their real and imaginary victories. So a simple “hello” is more likely a stupid revenge than a desire to communicate with a former love.
Option four. Need free sex
In general, it’s practically a win-win option. It’s evening, it’s boring, there’s no money for a nightclub where you can pick up a girl, or a cafe where you can invite a new girl, or for paid love. Or maybe you don’t want to bother like that, or maybe you have neither the money nor the desire to do anything at all. Therefore, from the endless list of “ex”, the most accessible one is found and they write to her: “Hello!” And then two or three words about how bored he is (in the best version) or just the sentence “Come to me, I’m sad.” And that’s it, the trick is in the bag, the evening stops being so boring and monotonous. And yes, if one ex refused, then there will always be another ex who, overjoyed to the point of madness, will rush to the “Prince Charming” into the night. Option five. Raise your self-esteem
There is nothing better for a man than for a woman who has suffered for him for a long time. And although men never directly talk about this out loud, they love to casually throw out phrases like: “Three years have passed since we broke up, and she’s still alone,” “She’s getting married soon, but she still writes to me.” “,” “After we broke up with her, she went to a monastery,” “She got married and gave birth to three children, but she still loves me exclusively!”And it is precisely during periods of slight doubt about his irresistibility (he had a fight with his wife, the girl refused, the date fell through, the new mistress sent to heaven for a star) that a man, lying on the sofa, remembers that he has Masha! Former Masha, who is ready to shed tears for him forever! And to make sure of his own irresistibility, uniqueness and irreplaceability, the man finds Masha and writes to her: “Hello!”
And making sure that they still suffer for him, he smacks his lips with satisfaction and falls asleep in the peaceful sleep of the baby. Until a new mental crisis, the former Masha can also sleep peacefully.
Option six. I don't know why
But the most popular option for why an ex is writing is: “HZ.” The ex himself doesn’t know why the hell he’s writing to his ex-girlfriend. It just “wrote” itself and that’s it. And to be honest, he doesn’t care what’s going on in his ex’s soul. Most often, the “I don’t know why” option happens when you’re drunk, and falls into the category of thoughtless antics such as drunkenly singing Leps’ songs or squatting dances. And where is love in these options?
While it can be annoying when your ex comes back into your life, sometimes it's hard to resist letting him do it. After all, you once fell in love with him for some reason. However, no matter how difficult it may be, you must resist the temptation to respond to his message. That's why:
1. You've already seen what it's like to be with him, and it didn't work out well.
Why go back to someone who wasn't right for you? You broke up because the relationship didn't work out, or he left because he didn't appreciate what you had to give. If he was right for you and worth your time, you would still be together. But you're not together, so why let history repeat itself?
2. He will respect you more if you don't answer.
Seriously. People tend to respect those who are beyond their reach. This is even more true in relation to your ex, when he thought that you would fall for his hook. But when you make it clear that you do not agree to be treated like this, to be taken for granted, he will quickly understand how worthy a girl you are.
3. If he raised his hand to you, repetition can be dangerous.
Communicating with someone who abused you, even about innocent topics, is unwise. Such people cannot be trusted, and by answering him, you are giving him the opportunity to hurt you again. It wasn't easy for you to leave him, so why do you want it back again? It will only harm you, and maybe even kill you. Do not do that.
4. Renewed relationships are extremely rarely successful.
They aren't even as good as the first time. When you get back together, it will always be a little awkward because you will never be able to forget what you broke up about back then.
5. You don't owe him anything.
You broke up, now you have complete freedom: you don’t have to answer him, you don’t even have to be kind or react in any way to his existence.
6. By leaving him in your life, you prevent yourself from meeting other, better people.
Nobody wants to be with someone who holds on to the past. Yes, you yourself will not be so willing to be open to new relationships if you are still actively communicating with your ex.
If you had a difficult breakup, you need time and space to get over it. In this case, by answering his messages or calls, you are only pouring salt into your wounds.
8. You don't need him.
In fact, no one needs a partner, especially one with whom nothing good worked out the first time. You may want him, but you definitely don't need him. You are already fine without his influence on your life. He stopped being an important part of your life when you broke up. He had a chance and didn't take it.
9. Most likely he just needs something or wants something.
It is unlikely that he directly regretted the breakup, because he truly loves you. Most likely, he simply realized that he could not find anyone better, or that no one else was ready to be with someone like him.
10. Why answer him if you can find more interesting things to do?
Why waste your time on someone who has already ruined it once, if you can occupy yourself with something else? Drink wine, order pizza, have a bachelorette party... Anything will be better than responding to your ex.
Not a single most technologically advanced mechanism created by people is as complex as human relationships. Still, practically no laws work in them, and therefore there are an innumerable number of possible scenarios for the development of events. People get together, then break up... And then? Anything. A person who has disappeared for several years may reappear. Men especially like to do this. Why do ex-men appear, although you have already “definitely broken up”?
Why would an ex-man suddenly show up?
Life doesn't stop when you break up with someone. It continues for both you and your ex. This means that during the breakup he was doing something: building new relationships, earning money or having fun, restoring old connections or establishing new ones. Life is constantly spinning, it doesn’t stand still. And, if for some reason the ex-man got in touch again, there were serious reasons. What could have happened to him while there was no news?
- He couldn't find anyone for himself. A common situation: while you are together, you are not appreciated. And it seems to the man that when you break up, he will immediately find someone better. In reality, he has to admit that few people need him. Having pushed around from one attempt to another, he realizes that the separation was in vain. And it doesn’t matter on whose initiative. Even if it was you who abandoned him, he may realize that he made too little effort and was completely in vain in not keeping you.
- I compared and realized that there is no one better than you. It also happens that after a breakup, a man quite actively conquers women’s hearts. Only gradually does he begin to realize that he is missing something. Something is missing from your relationship with him. For example, this is home comfort, understanding at a glance, the same views and hobbies. In a word, he has had his fill and now wants to return to his former measured happiness.
- Nostalgia has set in. It happens that everything is good in life, and the new woman completely satisfies in all aspects, and there is nothing more to wish for. But he is drawn to the past. At least for a little bit, for a day or a week, go back to the times when you and him had something in common. True, such desires are unstable and quickly pass.
- Self-esteem problems. This is a purely psychological problem: the ex-man appears specifically to show himself and others his own importance. To demonstrate, so to speak, a “trophy” - the woman he once conquered, once possessed, she needed. This usually happens due to dissatisfaction with the current relationship in which he seems to be not appreciated enough.
- Raging pride. And finally, the man wants to appear in your life again, perhaps to show how much he has achieved. Most often this happens to offended abandoned boys. The resentment is so strong that when such an emotionally unstable type achieves at least something in life, he must show it off. You just turn up the arm. It’s a nice thing to please your vanity and pride: “You didn’t appreciate me, but I’m such a great guy; suffer now that you have realized who you have lost.”
Every situation is good in some way and bad in some way at the same time. But, again, these are precisely the situations that push you to reappear in the life of an ex-woman. What is called "motivation". What about specific goals and actions? What might such impulses lead to? This issue requires separate discussion.
What does an ex-man want when he reappears?
If an ex-man appeared on his own, spontaneously and without your initiative, you should expect all sorts of antics from him. It probably won't just disappear anytime soon. What can he decide to do? The actions of an ex-man are difficult to predict for sure, but possible options can be assumed.
1. Will try to establish friendly relations
When a man is unobtrusively interested in your life, finds out about your affairs, the situation in the family or at work, perhaps he just wants to make friends. Oddly enough, this is a fairly common situation, especially if you once broke up dramatically and with a heavy aftertaste.
This happens to those who manage to “grow up” during a breakup. A person can already achieve a lot, start a family, have children. But because of the same notorious nostalgia, the ex-woman remains so interesting for him that he is ready to establish some kind of, but still friendly, relationship. They're not strangers, after all.
2. Will try to “reanimate” an old relationship, even a love affair
Maybe it will even make you happy. But there is no need to rush. It’s better to think about why a former man suddenly appeared with such requests. Why does he need you right now? Does he have some temporary problems in his personal life and he decided to find solace in you? Or, who knows, financial difficulties have arisen, and you have wealth. Or he has sank so much that no one needs him at all... There are many options. It is possible that he simply reconsidered his life and realized that, indeed, only you are what he needs. Assess him and your situation.
It’s another matter if he already has a family. In this case, it is better not to resurrect hopes from the grave at all. And you will destroy someone else’s family, and you will not create your own normal one. You don’t need it, especially since “he who betrayed once will betray again.” This is one of the most accurate proverbs that almost always works flawlessly.
3. Will make you a mistress or take advantage of her once or twice
Here’s another common option: I wanted sex. He can be very sweet, kind, understanding... In the end it turns out that he simply has problems with intimacy. For example, a “current” woman is happy as a housewife, mother of his children or breadwinner, but there are problems with bed. When you turn up, memories of old carefree times come up. How can we stay here? Maybe it's worth a try if you also have difficulties with this. Just don’t let him make you a permanent mistress. This is disgusting, this is a mockery of oneself and the total destruction of one’s pride.
4. He will begin to humiliate, mock, and emphasize his importance.
The most, sorry, worst option. The ex-man appears not to remember pleasant times, but to stroke his pride. Here he has an expensive car, a gold watch, but in photographs on social networks he has a luxurious home and trips around the world. Live and be happy. Why poke your ex in the nose with this? It's all about the same pride, dislike, unconscious understanding of one's own insignificance as a person. Only notorious scoundrels do this. And you should immediately stop communicating with them.
If it doesn’t lag behind – a statement to the police about harassment (or humiliation of honor and dignity). Save correspondence, voicemails, and any evidence that may help in this case. Such subhumans must be punished. You can also make money on compensation for moral damage. By the way, this is quite real. Such cases are started and won without problems. You just have to want it.
Ex-men don't just show up
Nothing happens by chance. This is the truth of life. Any event happens for certain reasons and leads to certain consequences. Understanding why ex-men appear, you can choose the right tactics for communicating with them. It won't necessarily be something bad. People sometimes meet after 5–10 years of separation and suddenly start a family and then live in happiness. The only thing Madame Georgette asks is that you don’t have a fever. Don’t go into denial right away, but don’t fall into euphoria either. Think carefully about what they want from you, and then make a decision. And this video below will help. Be happy!
